i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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