Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
