Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
