I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
