You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
