Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Randomize
