I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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