You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
