PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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