too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
