I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
