id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's like iHOP with fire
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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