Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
