There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
