well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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