so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You have to summon your inner elephant
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
