mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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