I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize