If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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