Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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