dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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