cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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