i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
