You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
