i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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