actually, I'm a sock model
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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