Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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