i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
