I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
