my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
