Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
