R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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