I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
