i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
