Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
