You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
