We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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