it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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