I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
