I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
