PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
