exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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