Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
