Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
