More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
