Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
