They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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