I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
