Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize