dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
