one might say we're banned from that church
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found puke in my bra..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
