dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
