There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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