you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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