Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize