if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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