Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
