Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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