Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
