She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
